


you're not as brave as you were at the start

by howtoalphagood



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: 2 cul 4 scool, M/M, Pack Fic, also warning for the quote in the beginning, and doesnt mention anyone by name, but yea depressing, cough mika cough, hashtag deal with it, just forewarning the wincest shippers who dislike it being used for anything else, no graphic pairings, richard siken, so yea i tagged this with pairings i picture them to curl up next to sorry, this is actually depressing????, xoxo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtoalphagood/pseuds/howtoalphagood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one really thinks about what life was like before this. Before the constant fear of danger<br/>"...it's called hyper vigilance..."<br/>except it's not when you need it, because then it's called survival instinct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're not as brave as you were at the start

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iokangel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iokangel/gifts).



> so, the title is from 'little lion man' originally done by mumford and sons (but i was listening to tonight alive's shhhhh)
> 
> yeah, so i have no beta and this was done for christine since her birthday was this month (so was mine xoxo)
> 
> and also prepare ur anus for the feels guys
> 
> and my tumblr is also howtoalphagood jsyk

Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn't. Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don't, they'll die. Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame. ~ Richard Siken  
_________________________

No one really thinks about what life was like before this. Before the constant fear of danger  
"...it's called hyper vigilance..."  
except it's not when you need it, because then it's called survival instinct.

It's how they've all stayed alive until now. Paranoia. It's not so much just having your back to the wall, it's having someone be behind that wall and knowing they're there. It's waiting for someone to break through the wall at your back and trusting the people around you enough to save you before you get stabbed through your throat.

No one really thinks about what life was like before this because if they do, they won't be able to stop. Because life before this was better and they all know it, so they don't think about it. Except they do. With every inhale, every blink, they ache for it. Their bones are creaky and their eyes are weary. If they could stop watching, they would.

But they watch each other run thenselves into the ground because they can't not. Some days they can't eat; nausea and acrid panic more filling than anything else. It's days like these when they think it's okay to be a little selfish. So they stay in bed and fight their hunger pains, and they curl up next to whoever is the closest and if they cry sometimes then it's okay. It's okay because if they didn't cry rhey would be angry and rabid and uncontrollable.

If they didn't cry then they wouldn't be able to help the others tomorrow.

Laughter isn't a pleasant sound anymore because there's always a bitter tinge to it. There's no real reason to laugh, except at themselves. At how they're hanging on by their fingernails (claws) and only a moment from slipping off. Their seams are tearing apart and a sewing needle only patches up so much. And if they don't laugh, then they won't cry.

And if they don't cry, then they're dead.

And sometimes, maybe, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing. They're young, but they feel so old. It's like they've skipped decades and instead of their body feeling it first, their minds are starting to go. And then everything else is following. They wonder if everyone feels this way.

They do.

But there'll always be another threat in the morning, so they wake up anyways. They wake up and they do the things they shouldn't have to. They go to school, and they go grocery shopping, and they go to the bathroom. Life is almost surreal when they're not fighting to the death. They wonder if that would seem sad to other people. People on the outside.

It does.


End file.
